Kerstin Malek, a 60-year-old artist from Herscheid, Germany, is opening her first major art exhibition at the Herscheid City Hall on Friday, October 24th. The exhibition, titled "Everything but Perfect – My Life with Depression, Giving Up is Not an Option," showcases her artistic journey that began just two and a half years ago during a clinic stay in Herborn in spring 2022. "Painting has truly saved my life," says Malek, who has been battling depression for approximately 30 years.

Malek's life has been shaped by depression for three decades, with symptoms so severe that she describes feeling "afraid of yourself." Despite living with the condition for so long, she only received a definitive diagnosis a few years ago, leading to the realization that she had waited far too long to seek help. "I have a big wish: that others don't make the same mistakes I made," she explains, sharing her story openly and honestly to encourage other sufferers to seek help early and accept it when offered.

The exhibition opening at 3:30 PM on Friday provides an opportunity for visitors to meet Malek and learn about her journey. Her artwork, created over the past two and a half years, includes 120 pieces that she has painted and sculpted in her home studio. Located in her apartment on Auf dem Rode, her workspace contains an easel, acrylic paints, spatulas, and a few brushes – creating a personal retreat where she finds calm when her mind feels like it might "explode."

Malek reflects on a childhood that wasn't particularly loving and acknowledges that she had very low self-esteem. Her tendency to try to please everyone shaped her personality until depression began 30 years ago, emerging from what seemed like a trivial situation, "basically out of nowhere." She describes her emotional state as ranging "from sky-high jubilation to deathly sadness," but notes there are many other symptoms including extreme mood swings, perfectionist thinking, aggressive or unfair behavior toward others, deep sadness, listlessness, complete isolation, memory loss, stuttering, inability to make decisions (even while shopping), and compulsions.

The memory problems particularly troubled the 60-year-old, especially when she suddenly couldn't remember her grandchildren's names. She also developed severe control compulsions, such as taking a photo after every time she started the washing machine for safety. Panic and anxiety attacks added to her struggles, and again she emphasizes they come "out of nowhere." Additional health challenges compounded her difficulties, including Lyme disease from a tick bite, fibromyalgia (muscle fiber pain), and Raynaud's syndrome (a vascular disease), which caused her sometimes unbearable pain. "That wore me down," she says today.

Throughout this difficult journey, Malek found support in her family – her husband Achim, with whom she has been together for almost 42 years, and her daughter and her family. She acknowledges that family members also suffer significantly due to the illness. Only once did she contemplate suicide: "Just once I wanted to drive the car into a tree. It would have been a decision made out of nowhere, but I refrained for my husband's sake."

Thanks to good therapy and especially through painting, Malek has managed to reduce her depressive phases. Learning to allow herself rest periods, saying no, and not falling back into old patterns has helped her. The influence of painting is particularly fascinating: while Malek absolutely requires structure in her daily life (like having breakfast with her husband at the same time every morning), she can act completely freely when painting. Her artwork has no titles – instead, she lets viewers' imagination run free to interpret what they see in her motifs.

The opportunity to display her paintings at Gallery Schmidt in Lüdenscheid, her first major exhibition, and her first officially sold painting have made Malek incredibly proud of her achievements. However, one thing worries her: the fear of relapse. "I know I will never be completely free of it," Malek admits. For this reason, the Herscheid resident, who was born in Lüdenscheid and has lived in the Ebbe community for 25 years, understands how important support systems are.

Malek advises that when people notice behavioral changes in relatives or friends, they should thoughtfully seek conversation and perhaps even approach a family doctor together. When concerns or distress are expressed, people shouldn't dismiss them with phrases like "You're just imagining that!" or "Go get some fresh air!" or "Tomorrow will be better!" Instead, she recommends asking carefully and without pressure: "Are you not feeling well? What's wrong?" According to the Federal Ministry of Health, between 16 and 20 percent of people develop depression during their lifetime, and the first point of contact when depression is suspected should always be a family doctor – advice that Malek also strongly supports.